Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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