I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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