my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
