Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
