My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
