Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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