All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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