but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
