the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
