you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
