In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
