the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
