So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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