The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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