Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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