You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
