Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
