But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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