Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
