five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
