East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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