the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
