actually, I'm a sock model
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
