did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
