Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
