You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
