god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
