so that wasnt chicken after all
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
