How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
