Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
