got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
