Screwed.edu
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
