I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
vagina is talking i cant
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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