Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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