dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
