420 ftw
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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