If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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