my soul wont recognize me after tonight
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
