some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
