It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
