when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
