I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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