my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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