I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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