just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
