The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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