She is in my trunk
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
