Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
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