sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
