OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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