Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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