jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
