Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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