You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
