Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
