All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
