if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The power of my boobs compel you
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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